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Brink of Sanity [userpic]

(no subject)

June 13th, 2012 (05:38 pm)

I really need to review my resolutions more often! I have lost a bit of weight, but not as much as I would like. I try not to waste time on people who don't care for me, but still end up getting sucked into the drama. But, I am grateful for what I have.

Going into social work has been life changing at the least. I have learned so much about gratitude and perseverance. It is really hard going to school at my age. Life is hard.

But at least now I feel like I am doing something worthwhile.

Brink of Sanity [userpic]

New Year Resolution

January 1st, 2012 (09:44 pm)

I am not going to waste time on people who don't care about me.

I am going to lose weight. :p

I am going to enjoy the moment.

I am going to be grateful for what I have.

Brink of Sanity [userpic]

Faithful

June 21st, 2010 (12:09 am)

I waited in the place where I last saw you.

It was night and then morning, then night once more.

A decade passed and then a hundred years. Green leaves became red, then green again. The trees that had sheltered me was pushed down the road by the wind. I was lightning in the sky, stars that were burning out in the heavens. I saw men tell women they loved them, then turn away. I saw men who were true but were never able to speak their minds. I saw lives begin, graves dug, snow falling. I was there for so long that time went backward.

Alice Hoffman

Brink of Sanity [userpic]

Thief

June 21st, 2010 (12:08 am)

I didn’t let him in the door until he promised he wouldn’t take anything precious. He crossed his heart. He wanted comfort, nothing more. Robbery was tiring work. He slept in a corner, curled up. When he awoke, he was famished. I cooked him eggs and toast. I kept an eye on him. He kept his hands to himself. The silver candlesticks were still on the table. The pearl brooch was at my throat.

He made a list of all the things he’d taken. He wanted redemption and faith and I offered him both. When daylight came I asked him to stay. I could see from his face this had happened to him before. Women wanted to rob him of the life he led, the road, the dark night, the open windows, the stars. The whole world belonged to him. When he left he swore he’d be back. It didn’t matter. He’d already taken everything I had.

Alice Hoffman

Brink of Sanity [userpic]

Rose

June 21st, 2010 (12:07 am)

Everything was red, the air, the sun, whatever I looked at. Except for him. I fell in love with someone who was human. I watched him walk through the hills and come back in the evening when his work was through. I saw things no woman would see: that he knew how to cry, that he was alone.
I cast myself at him, like a fool, but he didn’t see me. And then one day he noticed I was beautiful and he wanted me. He broke me off and took me with him, in his hands, and I didn’t care that I was dying until I actually was.

Alice Hoffman

Brink of Sanity [userpic]

(no subject)

June 17th, 2010 (01:46 am)

The day before my birthday. Time to take inventory. I love collectiing things: books, photos, postcards, clothes, craft supplies, but I hate being bogged down by possessions. I have this feeling that one day I will walk out the door with one bag in hand.

I am a contradiction. I want to be in a relationship, but I don't want to answer to another person. I don't want to plan vacations, time off, etc and yet, I don't want to be alone. I love my personal time, but at the same time it is lonely. I really don't think a compromise is possible. I don't believe I will ever be able to give someone all of myself and I certainly don't want all of them. Maybe I wasn't meant to find love in this lifetime, but what then? There's the rub.

I find that as I grow older, I grow more selfish with my thoughts and my time. I find less need to share either with another. But at the same time I want to. I can't believe I have lived with myself this long and still find myself a puzzle. If I don't understand myself, what chance does someone else have?

I miss Mike. I miss him so much it is a physical pain. Yet, I don't regret one minute of his friendship. Guess I was lucky and blessed, unfortunately, he was not.

Brink of Sanity [userpic]

(no subject)

June 12th, 2010 (12:56 am)

I've finally discovered the reason for all those horrible, triggering ads for depression meds. They remind me to take mine.

Brink of Sanity [userpic]

(no subject)

June 4th, 2010 (12:16 am)

Last night I was running register when the front doors came open and hurrican force winds knocked over everything in its path. They had to lock those doors and only allow customers in throught the side doors. Then, the lights blinked and the registers went down hard. My manager tried to reboot them, but no luck. She finally got on the intercom and said the registers were not working and it would be at the very least 20 minutes before we could check anyone out. I was amazed that the majority of people in line continued to stand there.

The registers never did come up again. It was lightning, windy, and the tornado sirens were going off, but by God, people needed their fabric!! I measured it out and then had to put it on hold for them to pick up the next day when they would be able to pay for it. Who in their right mind goes out in this kind of weather? A lot, obviously. I was trying to figure out if I could fit under the counter if a tornado came while the customers were trying to guess how much fabric they needed.

Brink of Sanity [userpic]

(no subject)

May 26th, 2010 (12:05 am)

Today's topic: Why am I Such a Hot Mess?

My back has been giving me a LOT of pain. Last weekend at work I wanted to cry everytime someone asked me to get them a bolt of vinyl. On Monday, I went to Urgent Care where they charged me $50 to tell me I didn't have kidney stones. This does NOT include the charge I am expecting for the CT scan which will probably make the national debt look payable. The only good thing to come out of the exam was 10 lortabs which I am squirreling away until I have to go back to work.

My rant for the day: I can't get pain pills because of all the addicts who lie, cheat, and steal to get prescriptions. The specialist I saw today won't prescribe drugs on the first visit. This is ridiculous!! I am in freaking pain!! Just because there are people who abuse the system, all of us who need the drugs are punished. It pisses me off. I know the doctors are doing their best, but there really are some of us who could legitimately benefit from narcotics. For me, this is the difference between working or sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself.

/rant: Ok, now that I have THAT off my chest...I am scheduled to get injections in my back. They inject something into the sensory nerves that numbs them. It sounds horribly suspicious, but I had it done before and I have been pain free for almost 3 years. The doctor that performed the procedure isn't there anymore. I was afraid to ask why. What if he was kicked out of the medical profession because he accidentally killed someone? What if the new doctor has pending lawsuits? I don't know, it bothers me that he seems to have a lazy eye.

And don't get me started on my car. Or my phone service.

Brink of Sanity [userpic]

(no subject)

May 23rd, 2010 (12:55 am)

Kiee and I went to a play tonight. They took seven of Shakespeare's sonnets and rewrote them for the present day. After each mini-play, they recited the original sonnet. It was quite good. :) I haven't been to a play in a while, so it was a nice change from sitting at home watching "Forensic Files".

I would love to have someone read Shakespeare's sonnets to me. It would HAVE to be done with a British accent though.

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